Since the Technology Gods did not smile on my previous attempt to send out a Response, I wanted to have one that'll be topical heading into this next week. As such, here is what I'd like you to respond to:
It's never a bad idea to keep a list of things on hand when revising a text that you know you want to address later, especially while you're thinking about it, so after today's workshop concludes, and sometime before Project 1 is due, I'd like to see what your plans are to finish this project (for now, at least). DUE BY 11:59 PM, Sunday, February 5th
25 Comments
K Kanaday
2/1/2017 11:35:20 am
Based off of what I've been told from you and my the other people editing my paper, it is more of a narrative piece. There has been confusion among the students if this is right or wrong but you have made it clear that it's perfectly acceptable. I plan to keep on that track, but perhaps tie "genre" into it a little bit more, like with the "travelogue" you suggested. I also need to go back and check grammar mistakes, exchange boring words for more exciting ones, and tie in the subject of Eat, Pray, Love a little bit more. I look forward to the final product since it is not quite there yet. I've been offered great advice, including marking a spot where it could be a place to talk about genre more. It was very helpful and will make my paper better i think
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Samantha V
2/1/2017 11:40:05 am
After getting feedback on my paper there are some things I want to change. I definitely want to make the genre I am talking about more prominent. I need to give more vivid details and explanations to help the reader see what I am talking about. Another thing I need to do is incorporate more outside texts. As of right now I only have one text I am using, so I need to try to find at least one to two more. I think I also need to clean up my grammar and sentence structures this way my message is clearer to the reader. With making all these changes I also need to make my paper much longer I am still short by about 500 words. As I add the more examples and explain in greater detail, I believe that should bring me to the word count I need. I feel that most of these are very doable changes that will better my paper.
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Saisha Tirado
2/1/2017 11:40:08 am
As for my final draft, there are a couple of things that I need to address before turning it in. I need to address genre and figure out how to incorporate it into the end of my paper without making it feel forced. As discussed during my conference, it is better that I describe genre at the end of the narrative since it would not make much sense to abruptly include it in the middle, but I am struggling to make the incorporation of genre feel inclusive rather than abrupt and as if it doesn’t belong. I also feel as if I should include more details about how I felt during the beginning of my narrative, rather than be vague about my emotions. In this final draft I really need to figure out what details are unimportant and do not contribute to that paper versus the important details that give my paper substance and meaning. Sometimes I get too attached to my writing and become too afraid to delete certain sentences, but I know that things need to be cut out for my final draft. I’d like to polish up my ending because I would like to end with a quote, but again I am having the issue of it feeling forced. I am struggling to work it into my paper so that it correctly sums up my emotions during the end of my emotional journey. Trying to work out these issues will be a bit difficult, but it is something I have to do.
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Raeanna M
2/1/2017 11:50:19 am
In my final submission for Project one, in addition to what I already have, I would like to include more personal experiences related to the genre I chose to write about. There are a few grammar issues I can address within my writing. I plan to relate the outside examples I included, “Mean Girls” and “Things Fall Apart”, to my own experiences with coming of age. Draft 3 of my paper could be structured better. I feel that certain paragraphs should be moved so that my ideas can flow more smoothly. I would also like to add a solid introduction paragraph to my paper. With a paper that is exploring so many ideas- my own experiences, outside examples and the characteristics of the coming of age genre- I am not so sure of how to wrap it all up in the end. I want to complete my thoughts with a solid conclusion of all my ideas in the end, relating them back to my genre, Coming of Age.
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Kendall C
2/1/2017 11:50:42 am
When I first started writing my paper it was more of an outline of all the genres I have experienced throughout my life. However, after the first peer review and conference. I decided to stick with the one genre that describes me best. So I started from scratch and rewrote my entire paper. Before I turn in my final draft there are still some things I would like to change. Since I rewrote the whole thing I want to take into consideration what people say during this round of peer review. I want to add more words to bulk up my paragraphs and elaborate more on topics. I also want to add possibly one or two more paragraphs that can further explain how my genre describes me personally. Then I want to have a few friends read it and give me their feedback as well. I always think it is a good idea to have multiple people read over a paper I write, because I might think something is really good but they can tell me what to change to make it even better. Finally, I want to make sure that there are no spelling or grammatical errors so I don’t lose points over something trivial.
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Samantha Martinez
2/1/2017 12:00:02 pm
After todays workshop, I have learned a couple of things from my peers papers that could help me with my own paper. Heading into my final draft some of things that I must address on my paper is to provide more examples of how my genre shaped me to the person I am today. A main thing, that I need to address is to focus on one genre. Since, I talk about one specific genre the most, I have opted to focus on this genre specifically to be able to talk about it more. Another thing that I will be fixing, is to elaborate on a specific technique and why it is my favorite. I also see that I need to reword some sentences that may sound redundant and awkward. Another idea that I got was to tie in how my style or personality falls under the category of my genre. Lastly, I need to address how through my personal experience how my genre help me escape my personal experience. I need to elaborate how it helped me and shaped me into the person I am today. Overall, I will be addressing things that need fixing before I turn in my final draft on Monday.
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Peyton K.
2/1/2017 12:02:59 pm
After reading responses from my peers and listening to suggestions made by you, I still have some work to do on my paper until I feel that it will be ready for final submission. There are still some paragraphs I need to add to not only meet the word count, but also to add to my story and tie everything together. The comments left on my paper in google docs were very helpful, and I am going to sit down and take them all into account, and figure out a way to add the suggestions into my paper. I need to reread my paper multiple times and make certain that I am getting my point across clearly and directly they way I wish my readers will. I am also going to give my paper to my roommate, and close friends to get their input about other things I could possibly change about or add into my paper.
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Micayla Green
2/1/2017 12:03:19 pm
After receiving advice for revision from peers, I plan to address in my next draft small grammar and structural aspects of my paper like organization and breaking up paragraphs. I also need to edit and revise by adding more detail about the genre rather than personal experience without making it seemed forced. Also, I need to find a way to tie all the ideas in my paper and incorporate it into a good concluding paragraph. I think i need to focus more on incorporating my genre into the individual paragraphs and make connections. After adding more detail and revising paragraphs, I should be able to reach the 2000 word requirement, as i am about 300 words short.
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Alex Lennon
2/1/2017 12:05:59 pm
Based on the comments and feedback I've received from my professor and my peers, I like where my essay is going. I, obviously, need to finish the paper, as I'm a little past the halfway point currently. I'd like to incorporate examples of coming of age novels and works to make it clear how my story relates. I hope to find works relating to someone in their teenage years, and compare the obstacles that they faced to the ones that I faced as well. I'd like to add in more imagery and detail to make the audience feel more engaged in the paper. I think my paper is coming along well, and if I make these finishing touches it will be well-written and complete.
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Hailey Cannon
2/1/2017 12:06:45 pm
Going from the first peer review to this one I already saw a lot of improvements I made. Making this essay more personal talking about personal experiences and events I took place in not talking about styles I don’t skate. So after reviewing everyone’s comments on my essay I came to the conclusion on a few things I either need to change, add, or edit. One thing I noticed I needed to change which was a small stupid mistake was to make the different styles of skating bolder and clear to understand. I as well need to go back and look at my grammar and certain wording. Some thing I wrote don’t make too much sense right now or are a little difficult to understand so I want to change that to make it a lot easier to understand. I would also like to maybe add one more example or get research behind some of the styles of skating for other to better understand. As well I would like to fix my conclusion making it a little longer tying everything back together.
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Sarah Medley
2/1/2017 12:08:16 pm
I’m excited about all the feedback I’ve received. My essay needs to be structured better, or at least, I need to clarify to the reader what my essay is about. I also need to convey the point more effectively I’m trying to make rather than writing with only vague direction. I need to make it more personal and try to incorporate my own perspective. Right now, it’s more of a commentary and less of a personal essay. The whole paper needs more detail, especially in analyzation of the albums and their political ties. I then need to tie the political aspects of the music into the personal impact it had on my perspective and opinions. I need to address specific songs, albums, and artists and the differences and similarities therein. Incorporating more background information and anecdotes will help to make it a more personal essay. I need to create an introduction, but I want to make it not so apparent that it is an introduction. I’m going to try and tie introductory elements into the first paragraph. I’m going to try reading back over the essay objectively to make my paper as clear and effective as it can be. I want to try and develop my writing a little further. I haven’t had the opportunity to do so in a while, so I will put a lot of effort into accomplishing that.
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Grant
2/1/2017 12:09:15 pm
Heading into the final draft of project 1 there are a few things I plan to address. The first thing I plan to address is making sure my word count reaches the requirement. I know it will but I need to progress my work a little more. I also need to address cleaning up my paper a little bit, getting rid of errors and making sure everything flows together smoothly. After receiving feed from you and my peers I know I need to focus on really unpacking my idea of genre as a whole and developing what genre defines me. Along with that I need to address giving examples of country music that connect with my life and focusing more on me instead of how the genre connects with others. Overall I need to focus and address specifics and wrap up my paper.
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Carla Flores
2/1/2017 12:10:25 pm
For the third draft, I finished the story that I was telling and focused on the ending. My project is mostly narrative based, so I incorporated the text and genre a bit in the middle to not completely lose the topic of this project. But, I did include more on genre at the end of my paper for this draft. Nonetheless, I still need a couple more hundred words, so I’m going to expand more on the genre and its similarities with the text. I need to include more depth in the summary of the text, because the novel I chose is a bit difficult to understand if someone hasn’t read it. I have to work more on the comparisons of the character in the novel and myself in terms of our same genres. I would like to finish off on a strong note, so maybe add a summary of my story and how exactly it impacted me – creating the coming of age genre that I chose for this project. I also need to clean up some punctuation and fix any grammar mistakes that I’ve made. Also, I need to include the MLA format that’s required and then I’m all finished :)
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Kayleigh A
2/1/2017 12:10:40 pm
Now going back into my paper after everyone finished commenting, there are some additions and changes that need to be made. First, I need to meet the 2000 word requirement, I think I need about 800 more words. I also need to elaborate more on my personal experiences, I need to go into more detail about my life, which is something I definitely struggle with. My personal anecdotes can be described in more detail as well. The songs that I chose that I feel relate to my life can be expanded on more because I now know they should have more of an impact in my paper. I also need to rearrange the formatting of my paper because it is still a little confusing. There are also some grammar issues that I will also change for the final draft!
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Taylor Driver
2/1/2017 12:13:08 pm
When considering my final draft for Project 1 there are a few things I would like to address. My main concern heading into my final draft is that my transformation from the action genre to the teenage drama genre has been seamless. I want to be certain that any mentions of action can be woven into the teen drama genre in a way that leads my readers into believing it was my first choice. I also would like to be certain that my paragraphs flow together well and that they are placed in a logical order. I have already switched the paragraphs around, but hope to make sure they are functioning well together by looking at any help my classmates have offered. I also want to check all of my sentence structures to make sure that there are not run-ons or any problems that will trip my readers up. Lastly, I would like to attempt to add as much detail as I can into my paper so that my readers are able to paint a picture in their head regarding what I am talking about.
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Darby Brown
2/1/2017 03:55:02 pm
After going to the writing conference last week I realized there were quite a few things I needed to change in my paper. My original essay described a tall tale genre by taking a personal experience and relating it to the extraordinary events that can occur in a tall tale. After reading the examples given and even the other students’ essays however I realized I did not have to be so specific with my genre. I could do a type of music for instance, or even a certain story, anything that I could connect personally to while also being able to label my own genre. I decided to change my genre topic to something that actually has meaning to me: writing. I kept most of my original paper but I expanded on it by making it more detailed and more geared toward my new genre idea. After getting feedback from my group I am feeling confident in my paper. I would like to read over it a few more times, making sure my old story flows with my new genre. I will also add a bit more detail and explanation to the parts my commentators took note on. I will then make an essay title and prepare to turn all parts of the project in.
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Paula P.
2/3/2017 05:39:58 pm
Compared to my first draft, the comments of my peers in this last revision were mainly positive. I felt the improvement of all our papers thanks to the workshops and individual conferences. However, there are still points that I need to address and revise before turning in my final draft. I want to make sure the flow among the paragraphs and their order is coherent and the transitions are natural. It would be important to check that there is a consistent amount of summary for each show as well as there is personal life stories that show their impact; I would not like to give more attention to one sitcom than another. Also, the amount of summary and personal insight must be balanced, this is a paper about genre, but I must reflect the impact of the chosen genre in my life experiences. Other comments I received were guided towards paragraph length and expanding shorter paragraphs with more information or incorporating them to other previous paragraphs. Finally, I would like to improve my concept of genre in general, because I was very descriptive with the particular sub-genre I picked but I did not go that in depth with explaining genre as a concept.
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Taylor Kelley
2/4/2017 09:07:10 am
After reviewing the comments made by my peers and yourself, I decided to scrap my original idea. In my first draft I was having trouble grasping the concepts. Originally I was analyzing a genre rather than discussing a genre and what makes up that genre and how it relates to. I have since changed my topic to traveling Instagram pages. I love to travel and and I enjoy seeking out pages on Instagram that are related to travel. My main talking points are the different types of Instagram bloggers: globe troopers and traveling photographs. My final talking point is how how my travel photos compared to theirs. For both types I am talking about how they take their photos and what do their photos consist of. Then I am going to describe my traveling photos and explain the similarities and differences. The only thing about my paper that i am still not 100% on is my introduction. I just can't seem to get the wording right. All in all i am happy I decided to change my paper topic I think it is a lot more interesting and unlike anything i have ever written before.
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Daphne Hood
2/5/2017 12:56:38 pm
Going into my final draft, there’s a lot I need to address to make sure is my paper is ready to go! The advice I got from my peers was really helpful. Based on the advice they gave me I need to read through my essay, or have someone else read it, and make sure it’s not too wordy or repetitive. I need to make it a little more concise. My essay is a very personal story and I want to not only be sure all the details that need to be there but also make sure its not too wordy or unimportant with too many details. I also am going to make a stronger conclusion to my essay. My peers noted it could be stronger and I’m definitely going to work on that because it’ll really help to tie everything together. I want it to end on a strong note! And lastly, I need to add pictures to make my essay complete and my genre stand out because it is travel photography. I’m so excited to pick out the photos and fit them into my paper. I also want my essay to flow nicely make sure all grammar and punctuation is correct.
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Menina Barton
2/5/2017 04:23:08 pm
Now, my plans for finishing project one a far fewer than the ones I had upon starting. At first, I was unsure of where to start and did not have many coherent ideas. Today, I wish to make my understanding of genre as clear as possible. I want the reader to be able to fully understand why I chose the genre I did for myself. I would like to be able to incorporate as much relatable experiences as possible. Also, further explaining how my genre makes me so different from the people I surround myself with and how the genre I am is not simply a “walk in the park” and that there are various struggles that come with it. Lastly, how I was able to understand who I am and how I came to accept it. Overall, wishing to express my thoughts about my genre as effective and efficient as possible.
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Liana F
2/5/2017 05:53:47 pm
The things that I have needed to work on and change for this project have been explained to me by my peers and Jason. First off heading into this paper, I have needed to organize my content better using more transitions and delving into the content in a smoother and less forced way. The paragraphs just jump into different stories and are choppy. Also, the paper needed to have a better structure since it was very unorganized. The body paragraphs have good content but are placed in areas where they shouldn’t be and are somewhat out of order. I also was told during peer review that the paper needs to have genre incorporated throughout the paragraphs and weaved in throughout my stories and personal stories and examples. I was also told that since the genre aspect was lacking, the word count was a lot shorter than what it was supposed to be, and I need to use specific examples of the genre and explain how my life could be described as “Alternative”. Finding a title for my paper has been rather difficult, and that is still one of the last things I have to add before turning my paper in tomorrow. One other thing noted is that I should be more personal in the beginning rather than abruptly talking about genre. These are the list of things that have needed to be altered throughout the course of the paper.
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Jake Salzsieder
2/5/2017 08:11:00 pm
There were many corrections my peers made to my paper because, well, it needs work. The first thing I need to touch on in my paper is probably the fact that I still have paragraphs not transitioning well. Some seem out of place and I need to make them more relevant to my topic. I also tend to have some short paragraphs that could be merged together. It would help my paper sound less choppy would be beneficial. There were also parts in my paper where I didn’t use enough detail. I should use more detail to make my paper seem more personal and interesting. This would help me to make it more interesting by gaining the reader’s attention through details. Another thing that I need to work on is an enticing title. I have no idea what to title it, so I will start thinking about one. I can use details in my paper to give me ideas, but I’m not entirely sure what I am going to go with at this moment. I also need to make certain sections in my paper clearer. Some of my peers told me that some sections are confusing, so I will look at them. I think I have a good paper right now, but with the changes I intend on making, it will be a great paper.
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Alexa Berland
2/5/2017 08:57:54 pm
I found the conference with Jason extremely effective in helping me find ways to extend my essay and make it longer. I also found workshops with my classmates really effective in helping nit pick my essay and find ways to expand on my ideas. I realized my genre is very broad and my peers were able to help my analyze my examples and explain them in more detail. To be specific, I used How I met your Mother characters to relate myself to my genre of comedy. I learned that I also need to give more attention to the definition of what a sitcom is and actually stray away from the specific examples I was using and actually focus on the basics of comedy. Other comments I received involved some grammar mistakes which I was able to easily fix and some general organization of my essay involving paragraph breaks and some transitions. Overall, I am really happy that I had the opportunity to get negative and positive feedback on my work because I know I benefit most from impartial opinions, especially on my writing. This project is definitely un like anything I have ever done before and has allowed me to tap into my creativity, and I am really happy with the end result of my essay!
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Natalie Anon
2/5/2017 10:23:52 pm
One element my paper definitely needs is structure. It is a crucial part in any writing piece. This will allow readers to fully grasp the subject of my paper and understand it to its full capacity.
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Arell Harris
4/30/2017 06:43:42 pm
Going into my next draft my group mates told me that my ideas were good but I just need to elaborate more on them. There wasn't nearly enough detail as there should be. Also the organization was a little confusing for a reader to keep up with, so that's another thing I fixed going into the final draft of project one. The last thing was my grammar, I made a lot of grammar mistakes that I need to fix and be more aware of.
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